Masonic Jokes

**Jason** · 08-02-2007, 10:44 PM

While visiting a newly initiated brother at home one day, the new brother's wife took me to one side and said her husband had started behaving very strange since joining.
I asked in what way?
She said that he locks himself in the toilet for hours on end mumbling to himself with his little blue book.
Later that evening I turned the talk to lodge, and asked him how he was getting on.
Oh fine was his reply.
I asked him about his behavior and if there was anything wrong.
No, was his reply.
So why read the book there?
Well he said "Its the only TILED room in the house"...

**Jason** · 08-02-2007, 10:44 PM

A small Lodge had a string of bad luck. It was preparing to initiate a candidate on a steamy evening in June and it's air conditioner had stopped working. After sweating their way through part of the work, the Master had asked the candidate what he most desired.
The candidate replied "a beer".
At this juncture the WM., being startled, whispered "light" to the candidate.
"OK," the candidate replied, "a lite beer."

**Jason** · 08-02-2007, 10:45 PM

A Candidate for initiation was to be picked up and driven to the Lodge, but before this could happen the car broke down. The Candidate said as it was no great distance he would go on his bicycle.
Just when he reached the top of the hill his chain broke. As the Lodge was at the bottom of the other side and all he needed was a backpedal brake, so he repaired the chain with a cord he had in his pocket and free-wheeled downhill to the Lodge.
Later that evening in reply to a toast in his honor, he said how proud he was to be a Freemason but could not understand, as he had told no one, how the WM knew that he had come on his own free wheel and a cord.

**Jason** · 08-02-2007, 10:45 PM

How many Masons does it take to change a lightbulb?

Three. One to change the bulb, one to read the minutes from the previous changing, and one to sit on the sidelines and complain that this wasn't how they used to change bulbs in his day.

**Jason** · 08-02-2007, 10:46 PM

It was a great tragedy when the Lodge burned to the ground. The brothers were having a new lodge built, but in the interim, they had no place to go for regular meetings or degree work. One of the brothers owned a hotel and figured they could use the conference room in his hotel for their meetings. They agreed and met there regularly. Four months pass and a traveling salesman is passing through town and decides to stay at the hotel. As luck would have it, he was checking in on one of the lodge meeting nights. He spied the men in white aprons filing into the conference room and asked the deskclerk, "I say, are those freemasons?" The clerk replied that they were and explained about the lodge burning down and the subsequent use of the hotel for meetings. "Well, said the salesman, "I've been thinking about joining. Do you think it's hard to do so?" The clerk shrugged, "I'd say it's pretty tough. You see that guy standing by the door with a sword? Well, he's been knocking on that door for four months now and they still won't let him in."

**Jason** · 08-02-2007, 10:47 PM

Bob and Bill were brother masons and great friends for most of their lives. They had always maintained that when one of them passed on to that Grand Lodge above, he would attempt to make contact with the other and tell him all about what heaven was like. As it happened, Bill went first. One night Bob is just drifting off to sleep when he hears Bill's voice calling to him.
"Is that you, Bill?
"Yes, Bob. I am honoring our agreement."
"Oh, my, what's it like," Bob asked with some anticipation.
"It's like nothing you could ever imagine. The lodge here is fantastic, better than any lodge we ever saw on Earth. The meetings are always well attended, the ritual is letter perfect, the friendship nights always have tons of new people just itching to join, and the spirit of fellowship blankets the place."
Bob's eyes tear up. "Oh, my, it's just like we'd hoped. I'm so happy for you. But I have to ask, during all of that, you didn't really seem all that excited. What's wrong?"
"Well, I do have some good news and some bad. The good is that we're raising a fellow to the third degree next Wednesday."
"That's fantastic. What's the bad news?"
"You've been marked down to be the Senior Deacon."

**Jason** · 08-02-2007, 10:48 PM

A man convicted of murder is about to be executed. He stands in front of the electric chair and stares down at what will end his life. The state executioner asks him if he has any last words. The man thinks for a moment and then says, "Yes, I hate all Masons."
The state's executioner wasn't expecting something so simple and just has to ask, "Why do you hate all Masons?"
"Well, the man I killed was a Mason. The sheriff who arrested me was a Mason. The prosecutor who tried my case was a Mason. The jury who convicted me and sentenced me to die were all Masons. And the judge who passed the sentence was a Mason."
The state executioner nods. "That's a good enough reason, I guess. Are you finished?"
"I am."
The executioner gestures, "Then advance one step with your left foot..."

**Jason** · 08-02-2007, 10:49 PM

A new member is getting phone calls several times a week to show up for various activities, weed pulling, painting, community awareness, ritual practice, etc. He is always there when they need him.

His wife finally says to him, "ever since you joined that lodge you go running every time the Master calls; I wish I was a Master".

Then man thinks for a moment and then tells her, "So do I; we get a new one every year".

08-02-2007, 10:44 PM	#1 (permalink)
Jason ex oriente lux Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Florida Posts: 571	Masonic Jokes While visiting a newly initiated brother at home one day, the new brother's wife took me to one side and said her husband had started behaving very strange since joining. I asked in what way? She said that he locks himself in the toilet for hours on end mumbling to himself with his little blue book. Later that evening I turned the talk to lodge, and asked him how he was getting on. Oh fine was his reply. I asked him about his behavior and if there was anything wrong. No, was his reply. So why read the book there? Well he said "Its the only TILED room in the house"...

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08-02-2007, 10:44 PM	#2 (permalink)
Jason ex oriente lux Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Florida Posts: 571	A small Lodge had a string of bad luck. It was preparing to initiate a candidate on a steamy evening in June and it's air conditioner had stopped working. After sweating their way through part of the work, the Master had asked the candidate what he most desired. The candidate replied "a beer". At this juncture the WM., being startled, whispered "light" to the candidate. "OK," the candidate replied, "a lite beer."

08-02-2007, 10:45 PM	#3 (permalink)
Jason ex oriente lux Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Florida Posts: 571	A Candidate for initiation was to be picked up and driven to the Lodge, but before this could happen the car broke down. The Candidate said as it was no great distance he would go on his bicycle. Just when he reached the top of the hill his chain broke. As the Lodge was at the bottom of the other side and all he needed was a backpedal brake, so he repaired the chain with a cord he had in his pocket and free-wheeled downhill to the Lodge. Later that evening in reply to a toast in his honor, he said how proud he was to be a Freemason but could not understand, as he had told no one, how the WM knew that he had come on his own free wheel and a cord.

08-02-2007, 10:45 PM	#4 (permalink)
Jason ex oriente lux Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Florida Posts: 571	How many Masons does it take to change a lightbulb? Three. One to change the bulb, one to read the minutes from the previous changing, and one to sit on the sidelines and complain that this wasn't how they used to change bulbs in his day.

08-02-2007, 10:46 PM	#5 (permalink)
Jason ex oriente lux Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Florida Posts: 571	It was a great tragedy when the Lodge burned to the ground. The brothers were having a new lodge built, but in the interim, they had no place to go for regular meetings or degree work. One of the brothers owned a hotel and figured they could use the conference room in his hotel for their meetings. They agreed and met there regularly. Four months pass and a traveling salesman is passing through town and decides to stay at the hotel. As luck would have it, he was checking in on one of the lodge meeting nights. He spied the men in white aprons filing into the conference room and asked the deskclerk, "I say, are those freemasons?" The clerk replied that they were and explained about the lodge burning down and the subsequent use of the hotel for meetings. "Well, said the salesman, "I've been thinking about joining. Do you think it's hard to do so?" The clerk shrugged, "I'd say it's pretty tough. You see that guy standing by the door with a sword? Well, he's been knocking on that door for four months now and they still won't let him in."

08-02-2007, 10:47 PM	#6 (permalink)
Jason ex oriente lux Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Florida Posts: 571	Bob and Bill were brother masons and great friends for most of their lives. They had always maintained that when one of them passed on to that Grand Lodge above, he would attempt to make contact with the other and tell him all about what heaven was like. As it happened, Bill went first. One night Bob is just drifting off to sleep when he hears Bill's voice calling to him. "Is that you, Bill? "Yes, Bob. I am honoring our agreement." "Oh, my, what's it like," Bob asked with some anticipation. "It's like nothing you could ever imagine. The lodge here is fantastic, better than any lodge we ever saw on Earth. The meetings are always well attended, the ritual is letter perfect, the friendship nights always have tons of new people just itching to join, and the spirit of fellowship blankets the place." Bob's eyes tear up. "Oh, my, it's just like we'd hoped. I'm so happy for you. But I have to ask, during all of that, you didn't really seem all that excited. What's wrong?" "Well, I do have some good news and some bad. The good is that we're raising a fellow to the third degree next Wednesday." "That's fantastic. What's the bad news?" "You've been marked down to be the Senior Deacon."

08-02-2007, 10:48 PM	#7 (permalink)
Jason ex oriente lux Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Florida Posts: 571	A man convicted of murder is about to be executed. He stands in front of the electric chair and stares down at what will end his life. The state executioner asks him if he has any last words. The man thinks for a moment and then says, "Yes, I hate all Masons." The state's executioner wasn't expecting something so simple and just has to ask, "Why do you hate all Masons?" "Well, the man I killed was a Mason. The sheriff who arrested me was a Mason. The prosecutor who tried my case was a Mason. The jury who convicted me and sentenced me to die were all Masons. And the judge who passed the sentence was a Mason." The state executioner nods. "That's a good enough reason, I guess. Are you finished?" "I am." The executioner gestures, "Then advance one step with your left foot..."

08-02-2007, 10:49 PM	#8 (permalink)
Jason ex oriente lux Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Florida Posts: 571	A new member is getting phone calls several times a week to show up for various activities, weed pulling, painting, community awareness, ritual practice, etc. He is always there when they need him. His wife finally says to him, "ever since you joined that lodge you go running every time the Master calls; I wish I was a Master". Then man thinks for a moment and then tells her, "So do I; we get a new one every year".