A couple of Masonic Jokes


New Member
A man is walking through the recreation ground of his local park when he notices a huge fight going on in full fury on the football field he is passing.

"What's going on?", he asks a spectator, watching from the side-lines.

The other replies "It's a match between the Masons and the Knights of Columbus."

"What's the score?" asks the first man.

"I don't know. It's a secret."


One night (a long time ago in a jurisdiction far, far, away) a brother was heading home after indulging a bit too much at the festive board after his lodge meeting.

He was weaving a little across the path, steadying himself against the lamp-posts.

A concerned policeman saw him, and walked over.

"Well sir, where are we going at this time of night, eh?" he asked.

The brother replied "I, officer, am going to a lecture on Masonry!"

Bemused, the policeman asked, "And just where are you going to hear a lecture on Masonry at this time of night?"

The brother replied, "From my wife!!!"


I've been here before
A postman, on his route, picked up a letter from a mailbox that was addressed to God. The postman seeing that the letter was not sealed, and there being no postage on it, opened and read it.

It was from a man who was down on his luck and was asking God for help. The letter asked for $50 to get his family through the next week.

The postman, being a Mason, took the letter to Lodge that evening, read it, and asked for donations for the unfortunate fellow. The Masons, wanting to help, took up a collection, and received twentny five dollars from the brethren. The Secretary placed the cash in a Lodge envelope, and gave it to the postman to deliver the following day, which he did.

Another day passed, and the postman again found an unsealed letter in the mailbox addressed to God. Again he opened and read the letter, which thanked God for the money, but instructed him to send it through the Knights of Columbus next time as the Masons kept half.

Bob Franks

Past District Deputy Grand Lecturer
How many Masons does it take to change a light bulb?

Wait for it....

CHANGE?? You want to change something?

Reactions: MWS


Three Masons are in a strip club. The first Mason turns to the second and says 'Man, we really lucked out to be in this joke....."


I've been here before
A man is walking through the recreation ground of his local park when he notices a huge fight in full fury on the football pitch he is passing.

"What′s going on?" he asks a spectator watching from the side–lines.

The other replies "It′s a match between the Masons and the Knights of Columbus."

"What′s the score?" asks the first man.

"I don't know, it′s a secret."


I've been here before
A Candidate for initiation was to be picked up and driven to the Lodge, but before this could happen the car broke down.

The Candidate said as it was no great distance he would go on his bicycle. Just when he reached the top of the hill his chain broke. As the Lodge was at the bottom of the other side and all he needed was a backpedal brake, so he repaired the chain with a cord he had in his pocket and free–wheeled downhill to the Lodge.

Later that evening in reply to a toast in his honor, he said how proud he was to be a Freemason but could not understand, as he had told no one, how the WM knew that he had come on his own free wheel and a cord.


I've been here before
A new initiate returns home to his wife who is naturally curious to know what went on. The conversation goes something like this:

Wife: Well how′d it go?

Husband: Very well - most interestin

Wife: What did go on?

Husband: I′m not really sure if I can tell you about it.

Wife: Well is there anything you *can* tell me?

Husband: Well it seems there are 3 classes of men in the Lodge -walkers, talkers and Holy men.

Wife: What do they do - if you can tell me?

Husband: The walkers walked me around the lodge. The Talkers talked to me and to the walkers as I was led around ....

Wife: And the Holy men? What of them?

Husband: They seem to be a special class of men - all in dark blue and gold aprons and gauntlets. They just sit on the benches around the lodge with their heads in their hands chanting repeatedly - "Oh My God, Oh My God !"


Have you heard of the Lodge that was holding its meetings in the ball room of the local hotel while its building was undergoing renovations?

One night a traveling salesman asked the desk clerk who all those men going into the room were.

The desk clerk replied: "Oh, those are the Masons."

The salesman said: "Oh, I've always wanted to join that lodge. Do you think they would let me in?" "Oh, no," said the clerk. "They're awful exclusive. Why, you see that poor guy standing outside the door with a sword? He's been knocking for six months and they still won't let him in!!!"


Masonic Traveler
A man was initiated into Freemasonry one evening. When he got home he was asked repeatedly by his wife what had gone on that night at the lodge hall, he finally told her that he had been initiated. She wanted to know what that meant and after putting her off so many times he told her that he had been hoodwinked and lead around a room. When the hoodwink was finally removed there total darkness until a spotlight had been turned on which revealed a beautiful woman who was naked. In horror his wife asked "You didn't look at her, did you?" to which he replied "Of course I did, I joined the Freemasons not the Oddfellows!"


OK, not a Mason joke, but one of my favorites.

Three aliens are sitting in a spacport bar. The first alien points to the third alien and tells the second alien "And then Charlie, man can he make a practical joke go on forever, anyways, next thing, he tells this Noah guy to go two of each kind of animal...."


Lodge Chaplain & arms dealer
Speaking of Squirrels

World domination HQ: We have the tree rat population under our control. Next the Aardvarks, Mongooses, 13-striped ground squirrels, and chipmunks.