Help!

M

mscott_0

New Member
So here is the problem. I am new to this I was raised to MM on July 04 2011 and have really been getting involved. I then got married on July 16 2011, my wife's Grandfather was in but she only remembers him being away all of the time and her Grandmother not liking it. I was ask to help out on a commitee but my wife really does not want me to spend much more time at the lodge. What do I do?

Second question I bought a ring and really like it but my wife also does not like me wearing it says that it is too flashing and takes away from the wedding band. Any thoughts on this one as well?

Thanks in advance!
 
Gary2112

Gary2112

Troll Stomper
Staff member
mscott_0 said:
So here is the problem. I am new to this I was raised to MM on July 04 2011 and have really been getting involved. I then got married on July 16 2011, my wife's Grandfather was in but she only remembers him being away all of the time and her Grandmother not liking it. I was ask to help out on a commitee but my wife really does not want me to spend much more time at the lodge. What do I do?

Second question I bought a ring and really like it but my wife also does not like me wearing it says that it is too flashing and takes away from the wedding band. Any thoughts on this one as well?

Thanks in advance!
Click to expand...
Your family takes priority over the Lodge. As far as the ring goes... You have to make a decision. Did your wife to be (at the time) know about your interest in the fraternity before you married? based on what you've said so far, it sounds to me like she is not a fan of Masonry at all.
 
R

removed12612

Guest
1).... talk to the Wife and let her know she is priority # 1 but also let her know you would like to be more active in lodge..... but dont let the lodge interfere with your responsibilities

2)A ring is just bling??? It DOES NOT make the man or mason.... some rings are too flashy and make ya look like a pimp or mafia hit man....if ya really want to wear a ring, sell the bling and get a simple one that doesnt over shadow the wedding band... I suggest a good stainless steel...not too flashy but very durable and not very pricey
 
CoachN

CoachN

Builder Builder
mscott_0 said:
So here is the problem. I am new to this I was raised to MM on July 04 2011 and have really been getting involved. I then got married on July 16 2011, my wife's Grandfather was in but she only remembers him being away all of the time and her Grandmother not liking it. I was ask to help out on a commitee but my wife really does not want me to spend much more time at the lodge. What do I do?

Second question I bought a ring and really like it but my wife also does not like me wearing it says that it is too flashing and takes away from the wedding band. Any thoughts on this one as well?

Thanks in advance!
Click to expand...
What you describe are not the problems. They are symptoms.

The problem is that you are slowly being trained to do your wife's bidding. This is a good wake up call to see how your life will unfold into the future.

The challenge is growing a pair and not loosing what you think you have.

Good Luck Bro!
 
jaya

jaya

Active Member
1: You need to put your family first. However, you need to have man time. You wife needs to have time with her friends as well. Depending on the committee, it might not take much time at all. Talk to others in your lodge and see what is required. Talk to your wife and make sure she knows that your family is your first priority.

2: The ring is just a symbol. How many rings does your wife wear? Do they take away from her wedding ring? I wear a masonic ring daily and take it off at night. My wedding ring never comes off except in extream instances. The wedding ring is a symbol of your relationship with your wife.
 
M

mscott_0

New Member
Thank you for your thoughts. My wife did know about the fraternity before we got married I asked her what she thought before we got married. I just think that she has a sour taste in he mouth from what she thinks happened with her Grandparents. I am trying to get her involved slowly by bringing her to dinners and breakfasts and such. She is really liking the fellowship and the other ladies.

Also I agree family does come first, but come to think of it i dont think i have told her this, I will do this first thing when I get home from work! Great advice!

As far as the ring is concerned, it is not a huge deal as i am in the same mindset as you, "it is just a ring". Nothing worth fighting over. She wears 4 rings almost daily, but that does not matter to her she thinks that a man should only wear 1 ring. This may be a battle that I dont want to start, IDK. The ring I bought is a plain gold band with the 14th degree symbol on it, not flashy at all i thought.

The commitee is the food commitee and they want me to take over it because they see i am a regular attender and have a servents heart.

Thank you all for the help! Have a great day!
 
CoachN

CoachN

Builder Builder
mscott_0 said:
... I just think that she has a sour taste in he mouth from what she thinks happened with her Grandparents.
Click to expand...
Some Brotherly advice: Take care not to rescue her from her fears. Once you take that road, you will forever be yoked with increasing liability for what another chooses to think.

Live a trustworthy life and she will come to know that she has nothing to fear. Do this not to reassure her though. Do this because your consistent actions reveal your trustworthiness as a man and Mason.
 
B

Bro. Marc Houde

New Member
CoachN said:
What you describe are not the problems. They are symptoms.

The problem is that you are slowly being trained to do your wife's bidding. This is a good wake up call to see how your life will unfold into the future.

The challenge is growing a pair and not loosing what you think you have.

Good Luck Bro!
Click to expand...
WOW! You go Coach! Saying what we're all thinkin'!

About the ring...I wear one too. Opposite hand from my wedding band so if you do the same and your wife says it's taking away from the wedding band, hmmm.....sounds like she's got an issue. This isn't a competition but I think your wife see's it that way.
 
M

mscott_0

New Member
Bro. Marc Houde said:
WOW! You go Coach! Saying what we're all thinkin'!

About the ring...I wear one too. Opposite hand from my wedding band so if you do the same and your wife says it's taking away from the wedding band, hmmm.....sounds like she's got an issue. This isn't a competition but I think your wife see's it that way.
Click to expand...
That sounds about right. Now that I hear it she may think it is a compitition, which it's not, of course. Should I tell her that out right and just do everything even without her blessing and wait for her to come around. Or just wait and pussy foot around the issue. I would rather not do that but I also know she comes first.
 
B

Bro. Marc Houde

New Member
CoachN said:
Some Brotherly advice: Take care not to rescue her from her fears. Once you take that road, you will forever be yoked with increasing liability for what another chooses to think.

Live a trustworthy life and she will come to know that she has nothing to fear. Do this not to reassure her though. Do this because your consistent actions reveal your trustworthiness as a man and Mason.
Click to expand...
Coach! Jeepers! I've followed your wisdom on another forum and have great respect for the work you do...but man! That was deep!

I'm going to use that! I'll give you credit of course...but I'm using that!

:1-pray::1-pray::1-pray::1-pray:
 
B

Bro. Marc Houde

New Member
mscott_0 said:
... Should I tell her that out right and just do everything even without her blessing and wait for her to come around. Or just wait and pussy foot around the issue. I would rather not do that but I also know she comes first.
Click to expand...
Actions speak louder than words. My wife knows how important my Masonry is. I think she's happy and proud with what I'm doing. I've never had to talk to her to say "hun....you know you're important to me". She knows by my actions.

In fact, I can remember one particular week where all the Fates came together to cause me to be at some Masonic event 3 times that particular week. One of those nights, I could see that she really needed me at home. She had had a particularly bad day at work and needed a shoulder to cry on. Well needless to say, I sent my appologies to the event and stayed home with my wife. She wasn't pulling something just to keep me home and my gesture of missing something important to me showed her where she stands in the hierarchy.

I'm sure your wife will respect you more for standing up for what is important to you.

Sounds like you're newlyweds so there's still alot to iron out. Give and take.
 
jaya

jaya

Active Member
mscott_0 said:
The ring I bought is a plain gold band with the 14th degree symbol on it, not flashy at all i thought.

Are you a Scottish Rite mason? The reason I ask is that you mentioned that you were raised in July but you did not say anything about the SR. Wearing a 14th degree ring without being a SR mason is the same as wearing a masonic ring with the S&C without being a mason. That ring has symbolism that is taught to you when you go through the 14th degree. If you are not a SR mason, you will most likely get fussed at by those in your blue lodge.

I do have a 14th degree ring but tend to wear my MM ring much more often. I wonder if the band is what bugs her about the ring. It does look like a wedding band to a degree. Ask her if she would have an issue of you wearing a college class ring. It might appear to her that you are placing the lodge over her.
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
 
M

mscott_0

New Member
jaya said:
mscott_0 said:
The ring I bought is a plain gold band with the 14th degree symbol on it, not flashy at all i thought.

Are you a Scottish Rite mason? The reason I ask is that you mentioned that you were raised in July but you did not say anything about the SR. Wearing a 14th degree ring without being a SR mason is the same as wearing a masonic ring with the S&C without being a mason. That ring has symbolism that is taught to you when you go through the 14th degree. If you are not a SR mason, you will most likely get fussed at by those in your blue lodge.

I do have a 14th degree ring but tend to wear my MM ring much more often. I wonder if the band is what bugs her about the ring. It does look like a wedding band to a degree. Ask her if she would have an issue of you wearing a college class ring. It might appear to her that you are placing the lodge over her.
Click to expand...
Yes I am a 32nd degree SR, I am active in both the Blue Lodge and SR. I will ask her about the class ring, that may work. But realy the ring was only a side note was not a huge deal. It was more the not wanting me to head up a commitee.

Thanks guys for all of the help I think that this has been great advice and I am going to just let my action speak loader than words.

PS yes we are newly weds only about 4 months now.
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
 
F

FF Sparky

Member
CoachN said:
What you describe are not the problems. They are symptoms.

The problem is that you are slowly being trained to do your wife's bidding. This is a good wake up call to see how your life will unfold into the future.

The challenge is growing a pair and not loosing what you think you have.

Good Luck Bro!
Click to expand...
Coach???????
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top