How Do You Handle it?

Robby

New Member
I'm having trouble with my family coming to me for money constantly. A few people in my family I know need some help so I just GIVE them the money. I know I won't get it back so I simply give it to them. Some of them are on drugs and I refuse to give them money. So what do you do when family comes to ask for money?
 

McKitch

New Member
I try my best

I think about the situation and make sure that I can afford it. I have no problem with giving money to family members who are in need. But I do not hand out money to people who are just to lazy to work or have outrageous spending habits.
 

FamilyMan

Fidelis ad Mortem
If my family is truly in need, I have no qualms about helping them out. I have given my brother money knowing full well I will never get it back... but I have my limits. My brother asked me for $50 one week and because he told me he would be late on his rent, I gave him the money... when he took that $50 and went out to the store and bought a carton of smokes with it I was less than enthused.

Almost ten years ago, I dated a woman whose family kept borrowing, pleading, and taking her money for years... and during that time the family bought a large screen TV, a new tractor and a bunch of other fun stuff... but oddly enough never had money to pay the rent, or gas, or electric. After we split up, she eventually she moved back in with her family and started "contributing to all the bills". It was a very sad situation to watch unfold.
 

johnny

New Member
I also give to family and friends when I have it to help them out. And have had a couple situations as others have with the people you help out then going and buying 'unnecessary' items. And of course the one time I needed help NOBODY could, so unfortunately for them I no longer give money out.
 

intent

New Member
Giving

I had a relative ask me for $400 because they said they could not meet the bills. Instead of paying bills they went and bought a seasons pass to a theme park. I do not even have a seasons pass for my kids and would not have given them the money if I had known. With people like that I ask them who they are paying and I say that I am willing to pay the person directly but not just to hand over cash.
 

jason

Seanchaí
Staff member
I hate to say it, and it may sound mean, but there are some I will help and some I will not. It depends on how much, and what they do with it. I think every family has people who can manage money, and those that cannot. Those that cannot sometimes take the money for things that are not needed, like smokes or alcohol. I will give the people a chance, and if they do get something like beer with it, then it will be hard to give another chance. I would rather write a check the next time to the power company on their behalf then give them the money. But if they still choose to by something un-needed rather then the power, then it is time to cut them off.
 

Robby

New Member
Writing a check to the creditor is a great idea Jason! It never even occurred to me. I think I may do that next time. I had my sister to call me several years ago and told me her family didn't have any food in the house and no money to buy it with. So I went to the grocery and bought tons of stuff, I spent close to $200 bucks. I got flour, sugar, cake mixes, frostings, canned fruit, canned veggies, some frozen stuff and a bunch of meats because they have a freezer. Turns out she didn't want food, she wanted money to blow. But at least I knew the kids would have something to eat.
 
G

Gary

Guest
And THAT my friend is exactly how you separate the wheat from the chaf when dealing with money. Need vs. want is quickly identified.
 

TrowelTalk

New Member
I've been in the same boat for 25 years (dealing w/ family asking to borrow money). This is how I've handled my own family...

If I can afford it, I will lend them money once, and only as much as I can afford. If they pay the funds back in a reasonable time and I see the need was genuine, I keep an open mind about lending them money a second or third time.

If they do not pay the money back as promised, or I see the funds were used for frivolous things, when they ask a second time, I offer to go and buy them groceries - and that is all.

Funny, I've NEVER had a "friend" ask to borrow money from me (well, not since high school), only family...
 

Jacobson

New Member
Been there, done that, as all of you have. I'm pretty lucky with my children since they grew up. Two of them have money of their own and the one who doesn't never asks so I give when I know there is a need, like buying my grandson his school uniform or passing on household items that we no longer need. There are more ways to help out than just with money.
 

sukie

New Member
I had my step daughter asking for money constantly and I knew we'd never get it back. She wasn't bad, she just spent everything on her six kids, but more than she should have if you know what I mean. Then I had a long talk with her and explained that they didn't need the latest toys, clothes, computers and stuff all the time and that we couldn't afford to keep supporting her. I advised her how to budget and she is much better with her finances now.
 

PatrickWilliams

I could tell you ...
What can you do? There's an old adage that says, "Never make a loan that you can't afford to not have paid back." And that goes double for family.
 

Sammy

New Member
I also have had people "borrow" money and never get it back, use it for things they did not mention (alcohol, cigs, non-necessities). So I have also started just writing checks or paying the bill online for them if I have it. My ex's mother was NEVER giving the money because I knew it would go to other things. We paid her rent "to help her out".
 

Windrider

Plus-sized tuxedo model
We had an interesting thing happen recently. During my daughter's birthday party in our back yard, it came out that one of her friends with a 2 year old girl and 4 year old boy had recently become homeless.

I made an announcement in church and a number of people gave me money and promised clothes for the kids. The members of the congregation put in $25. I put in $50 and bought her a Walmart gift card.

The next day was Lodge of Instruction. After the meeting during the collation, I mentioned the girl to one of the brothers and the next thing I knew, I walked out with $122- for her. A few days later, a Brother called me and gave me 3 bags filled with clothes for the kids one of which was all new stuff and gift wrapped!.

Then I heard that the young mother was told she had to leave her mother's apartment as it was in low income housing and she could be evicted for having too many people living there. She and the kids were put on a plane and sent back to Florida. I gave her the clothes, an extra suitcase I had kicking around and the cash.

This experience probably meant more to me than the mom. It cemented that we Masons "walk the walk" when it comes to Relief. I am humbled to think I can call each of you Brother.
 
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