Review Feedback
Hi Winter,
I thank you for your constructive criticism review on
Crown of Serpents. Was hoping to get a better rating than the 3-stars of course but I respect your feedback. Been consistently getting a bunch of 5-star ratings so I wanted to touch on a few items you spoke of so new readers would get a better sense of the approach of the book.
1. The story starts off with a bang actually....in the middle of a brutal battle in 1779 with hand to hand combat - with our true historical Masonic character. And then the first chapter jumps to the present day with the main character Jake Tununda coming upon a dead body in a well. This was done intentionally to "grab" the reader's attention. After that the story
does slow down to give the reader a breath or pause from action, to absorb historical information, to get the lay of the land, and to establish characters. It's sort of the pulse of the book. It's deliberate. I escalate the levels of violence and action throughout the plot but then give pause to spreading historical information via dialogue.
2. The Masonic element deliberately again does not have much to do with the story. I wanted my novel to
not be an exposé on Freemasonry but rather to be attractive to a mainstream audience (as well as Masons) where the main character and the plot happen to have subtle Masonic elements worked into the story. Sort of like the movie National Treasure. I've had women as old as 92 read this book and loved it! I'm sorry you were hoping for more Freemasonry aspects but I already knew that Dan Brown was coming out with
The Lost Symbol which is ALL about Freemasonry in a fiction genre.
3.
Crown of Serpents launched in April of 2009.
The Lost Symbol - which uses the Freemason pigpen cipher - came out in Sept. 2009. So, I actually trumped Dan Brown on that one!! But honestly, when I became a Mason myself in 2005 I was NOT taught about that cipher in our history. It never came up. It wasn't in my Lodges trace board unlike yours. And I hadn't seen it on any History Channel documentaries prior to that. So, as a new Mason - just like the main character in the book - I too was surprised to learn of it and I reflected that emotion in the plot. It was also used to show human character flaws too - that our guy doesn't know everything.
4. The Masonic lapel pin is a mistake! I was also told this by another Army officer that this is a no-no on Army Class A Uniforms. So, I do acknowledge that. But hey, I suppose I can use it for advantage though and say Jake Tununda deliberately did that as an act of protest against government regulations. Heck, I'll probably do it again in the next novel but explain why this time. Maybe even have him get in trouble for it.
5. Technical aspects do need more work. I did consult with Troopers, SWAT team members and others in the military on some aspects. But you have to approach books of this genre as being escapism for entertainment purposes. I didn't want to go off for 100 pages like Tom Clancy does on how a nuclear warhead is manufactured. I just want the bang of a grenade. So again, don't so much get into the minor details left out but enjoy the scenes for entertainment value.
6. You know how Clive Cussler writes himself into his novels.....well here's a little "reveal" that ya'll will enjoy. I wrote myself into one of the opening scenes. I am the volunteer fire captain in the red helmet who bitches at the overweight volunteer redneck character. I was a volunteer firefighter myself...in Seneca Co. in fact.. where the book's main setting takes place. So, a little fun too!
Winter, thanks again for your review and constructive criticism. As a new emerging author I take feedback like this and will apply it to the next book. I've been getting demands by readers of
Crown of Serpents that they want that next Jake Tununda adventure soon too!!! I've been steadily doing research into Civil War battlefield events - one of which involves a supposed Masonic cease-fire at the Battle of Kennesaw Mtn. and also a true Masonic rescue of a Cherokee Indian family in the 1820s. My next book will be set here in GA and Atlanta and I'm going to tap into the very popular history of the Civil War. And again I'll be playing off of Masonic elements and peppering the next book throughout with those subtleties but it will still be an "Indiana Jones meets The Godfather" type of storyline.
By the way, that 1470 link I originally posted is dead. Here is a new YouTube link (Part 1 of 2) for an interview by a former military man on the Combat Radio Network and I do believe he even points out the mistake of the Masonic lapel pin. Go to:
Crown of Serpents Interview with CRN Part 1 of 2 - YouTube
And he talks about toilet reading too!!!
Best Regards,
